Two pigeons hit with two arrows from one bow

Obama, Clinton ride McCain’s mechanical bull

Sen. John McCain should be yee-hawin’ it up in Texas this week. Not only will he almost certainly nail down the Republican slot for Election ’08, but he’s gaining rock star status with the media following last week’s gaffe by The New York Times.

The Times’ McCain/Iseman blunder is causing a rippling effect throughout the legions of hangers-on press corps. The Times sex scandal failed to make Sen. McCain’s hands tremble and nobody is accusing the relic of being either a philanderer or a stud.

Sen. Clinton, on the other hand, still faces months of facetious taunts and jeers about a certain “blue dress” and “the cigar incident” should she get green-lighted to the Democratic National Convention. The conservative blog-o-sphere will chant, “Lewinsky, Jones and Flowers,” all the way to Denver.

The biggest problem facing Sen. McCain in the short stretch is whether or not he is considered a “natural-born citizen” because he was born in the Panama Canal Zone. It isn’t much of a thorn at that, but is merely another red herring put out by his well-tooled war room.

Most reporters and editors are now too terrified to question anything in the old war horse’s past, including whether he is legally eligible to be president. Another scandal leaked, another scandal squashed in a hurry (at least among the journalists catching a ride on Sen. McCain’s bus).

It hardly matters which candidate takes the biggest slice of the Democratic pie this week. The Republican corner is chomping at the bit for the Dems’ winner to assail St. Juan de Arizona’s constitutional birthright to ascend the White House steps. Taking aim at his non-stateside natal origin would ultimately ring as unpatriotic.

Sen. Barack Obama’s failure to put his hand over his heart during the National Anthem, or to wear a U.S. flag pin on his lapel, already makes him a moving target as a “non-patriot,” should he get the party nod.

Other red states are already using his middle name when they talk about Sen. Obama, alluding that he is anti-Semitic.

Gilley’s, no place for weak stomachs

And as if he doesn’t have enough Right Wing momentum, Sen. McCain got help this week on the international scene. Fidel Castro resigned and passed the torch to younger brother Raul. Sen. Obama said he would meet with the new Cuban president with no pre-conditions, which set off a flurry of rhetorical sniping from Castro’s U.S. counterpart, Pres. “W.”

Brushing such redundant issues as sex and patriotism aside, Sen. McCain received another push with Iran’s President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad dropping by Baghdad for a neighborly meet and greet.

This comes during the same weekend (although they swear it’s only a coincidence) that Adm. Mike Mullen, the chairman of the U.S. Joint Chiefs of Staff, happened to drop by Iran’s once-mortal enemy’s pad for tea and crumpets. Can you feel the love?

What will the Republican voters in Texas do this week with Sen. McCain’s bid essentially set in stone? They’ll do what every Lone Star Republican worth her/his (mostly “his”) weight in crude oil would do; they’ll vote in the Democratic primary. They’ll do so to ensure Sen. McCain’s opponent will be the one THEY want to see burned by “the rocket’s red glare.”

After all, why waste one of your lifelines on Mike Huckabee or Ron Paul when you can tailor the ultimate ballot in the prehistoric guy’s favor?